i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
