Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
