I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
