ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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