I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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