I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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