So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
