Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
