Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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