Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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