You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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