Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
