3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
