I CAN MOONWALK!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
