Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
