I just threw up on my dentist
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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