Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
