Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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