Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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