I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so let's talk penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
