Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
