My girlfriend figured out who you are.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
