Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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