I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
well you can't waste a boner
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
