Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
