you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
