yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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