My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
