He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
