life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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