You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
