I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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