Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
