I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
