By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
