I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
