Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
