I bet he comes in French.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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