problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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