bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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