she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
