hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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