hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
