Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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