Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They took my balls.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
