I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my being single is dangerous.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
