hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
