Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
