I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
