never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
