Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
