the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
