i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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